


how do you say hello after saying goodbye?

by r4m3nlvr



Series: nothing a little bit of faith and a lot of coffee can't fix [2]
Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: M/M, fluff and other stuff, no angst just inner monologues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23752162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r4m3nlvr/pseuds/r4m3nlvr
Summary: (a companion piece to 'nothing a little bit of faith and a lot of coffee can't fix')after reconnecting with each other, how exactly do Josh and Ken manage a relationship that teeters between lovers and intimately close friends?
Relationships: Joken, Josh Cullen Santos/Ken Suson, Josh Santos/Ken Suson
Series: nothing a little bit of faith and a lot of coffee can't fix [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794037
Kudos: 43





	1. Ken

**Author's Note:**

> i just had to. the topic of beginning again had been on my mind recently. JoKen, because... i love them both.

* * * * * K E N * * * * *

Ken closed the door behind him and sighed. It had been a long day and he was tired out of his mind.

Despite being in an idol group for more than five years, he still couldn't wrap his mind around how in the world their schedules don't run out. They had a TV guesting early in the morning, a photo shoot and interview crammed together at lunch, a bit of training in the afternoon, and a music show pre-recording from dusk until 11PM. Seriously, he had a renewed love for his job but _how_?

He navigated through the apartment in the dark, he couldn't be bothered to turn on the lights now.

Ken walked to the direction of the bathroom, which was only a few steps away from the main door. Both tired and aching all over, he bathed quickly and for ten minutes let the cold water wash a little bit of his fatigue away.

He stopped to listen. Quiet. _Must be sleeping_ , he thought. And he slowly opened the door to the only bedroom of the apartment that did not belong to him. On the small bed of the small room was a lone figure who was sleeping soundly.

So soundly, Ken thought as he registered Josh's mumbling in his sleep. The older man was motionless, except for the steady rise and fall of his chest; but his mouth hung open as he snored and sleep-talked.

Ken wondered how Josh would react if he wakes up in the morning to see that Ken had let himself in to his apartment uninvited. It's not as if they had discussed the matter of their relationship. After all, they had reconnected only a week ago. It was a topic that didn't come up--or rather, a topic they tiptoed around.

Ken wasn't entirely sure if he was allowed to be this intimately close with Josh, either. He sat on the edge of Josh's bed tentatively. If he wanted, he could take advantage of this situation and---he stopped himself. He knew Josh, and how strong Josh was. Ken would definitely be kicked out of the house with a few bruises, at least.

He smiled. Josh is strong, and he could surely take care of himself. He had made a life for himself in the five years since he left the group. And it made Ken's heart double in size when, one day he was visiting for coffee only three days ago, Josh slid him a spare key to his apartment.

_He's made a life for himself_ , Ken thought. _But he's still inviting me in, anyway_. It was almost the same as the way Ken had learned to survive without Josh, but chooses to have him in spite of it.

It was corny. It was cringy. It was _beautiful_.

Much like Josh now, at his most vulnerable moments.

Ken laid his head on Josh's chest, careful not to rouse him. He stayed like that for a few moments, listening to his own heartbeat slow down until it was in perfect sync with Josh's.

"Thank you," he managed to say out loud. Then he let sleep take over his tired body and mind.


	2. Josh

* * * * * J O S H * * * * *

What exactly do you say after you say goodbye? Or how do you say hello if you've already bid them farewell?

Josh pondered about these questions lazily as he combed his hand through Ken's hair. His hair was soft on Josh's fingertips, and he can distinctly remember that Ken likes to take a bath before sleeping. So he took a bath before cuddling with Josh in the older's standard single bed, his head resting on his chest and one hand intertwined loosely with Josh's.

 _How did he even get in here?_ Josh asked himself. _Ah, but I gave him a key._ But he didn't remember inviting Ken over. 

Nor were they in an established romantic relationship which allowed such an intrusion. But Ken apparently didn't mind that he was trespassing, or that what they had didn't have any labels. And Josh didn't mind that Ken was sleeping on his bed now.

Josh lifted his head slightly, mindful of the younger male resting on top of him, and saw one of Ken's legs dangling from the edge of his mattress. He snickered. Ken was tall, after all, and the mattress only matched Josh's height.

 _It must be uncomfortable sleeping like that_ , Josh thought while still mindlessly tangling his hand on Ken's locks. It all felt so familiar and yet so new that Josh felt his head spin. He and Ken were like this before they broke up. Spending their off days together, cuddling, and being clingy like children. He remembered the feeling quite well.

But five years have passed. They have gone separate ways and grown in their own respects. They had five years to change. He knows Ken; he may be the one who knows him best. But does five years away from each other change that?

How does he act around someone whom he knows, but at the same time he doesn't?

Josh felt himself get older just a little bit. He laughed at himself. Since when had he started thinking like this? So five years have changed him quite a bit, too. There are many things about Josh that Ken doesn't know anymore.

And yet here they are. Ken sleeping in his arms, as he used to do whenever he was tired from a long day of schedules. Josh cradling Ken, as if he were the most precious, most fragile human being in the world. With everything that's changed, the fact remains that they still feel strongly about each other. And Josh has no idea what to do about that.

Do they pick up where they left off? Do they start over?

Josh continued to mull this over as he carefully got out of bed. He lazily stretched his back, and planted a quick kiss on Ken's forehead. _The baby's gotten himself forehead wrinkles_ , he thought. He was smiling as he proceeded to the kitchen to make coffee... coffee just how Ken likes it.

He was humming a tune while cooking a simple breakfast when he noticed a figure standing by the door to his room, just watching. Ken had woken up, arms crossed over his chest, looking at Josh fondly as he moves about.

"You know, your staring is kind of weird. What are you smiling about?" Josh asked and finished putting eggs on his and Ken's plates.

Ken shook his head and walked to the kitchen. He leaned against the counter and continued to watch Josh with a smile. The smile of a giddy teenager.

"Breakfast?" Josh asked. Ken nodded. "Coffee?" He nodded again. "Cat got your tongue?"

Ken let out a boisterous laughter. "I know you don't like me calling you 'cute', but I can't help it. You're really, really cute."

"You've gotten really cheeky, _boy_ ," Josh commented, narrowing his eyes at Ken.

"I remember you calling me 'baby' before, but I guess I can't complain." Ken quickly grabbed the plates of food before kissing Josh on the cheek and putting the plates on the dining table nearby. "Let's eat, _Lolo Joooosh_."

By the time Josh's mind caught up with what had happened, Ken was already grabbing both of his wrists and leading him to the table.

"I know it's late... but _good morning_." Smoothly, he wrapped both his arms around Josh's waist and plated a small kiss on his lips... as if it was the most natural thing to do.

Josh blinked. And blinked again. He could feel Ken smiling into the kiss because of Josh's surprise.

"What, are you finally getting shy after five years without me?" Ken bent his head down so he and Josh were eye-to-eye. "Miss me that much?"

"Ah, whatever!!" Josh cried before stealing a kiss of his own.

Do they pick up where they left off? Do they start over?

Did any of that matter? Josh decided that no, it didn't. It didn't matter. Whether they were unfreezing time, or starting a new chapter; whatever it was called was of little importance to Josh now. Or perhaps, Josh rather wanted to think that he could worry about that later.

All that mattered was what they had here, what they had now. Nothing was more important than the present. Josh smiled to himself with these thoughts. Then, he grabbed the coffee--his and Ken's--and sat beside his lover on the kitchen table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my mind works a little bit like Ken, but mostly like Josh.

**Author's Note:**

> what can you say about saying hello after saying goodbye to a past love?


End file.
